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calm http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atp
Our first story here is an example of corporate America at it's finest. These two boys, ages 9 and 11, were forced to take down their lemonade stand because they were unlicensed and stealing business from a nearby sausage vendor who also sells lemonade. Poor hot dog man. Upon mayoral reflection, an agreement was made that the children may operate as subcontractors under sausage man's vending license and were to move further away. Ridiculous. My favorite line... "The agreement expires when school starts." heh.
Here are a few examples of some classy folks living among us:
The woman in the following story accidentally fell out of her car while driving down a busy highway because she leaned out too far after opening the door to SPIT. How lovely. Not only is a woman spitting from a moving vehicle a fine image of grace and feminine beauty, but who opens the door? Thats really a lot of work, usually the window will do. Quote: "Her explanation to officers: ``I leaned out to spit and I leaned too far.''" I would kill to hear Dan say that in his southern hick-imitating voice. HA! oh yeah, after she fell out of the car she got up and chased it down the road. :)
http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/st
Secondly, it seems that WalMart stores, in addition to rolling back prices, were offering romantic walks down the personal hygiene aisle for local singles in Roanoke, VA. Singles shopping, complete with "flirt points" set up throughout the store. Now I'm not sure what the Wal-Mart clientele is like in Roanoke, VA, but I'll bet I have a pretty good idea ... revert back to Dan Hayes southern hick-imitation voice...
Favorite line from this story: "...customer Dale Firebaugh, who showed up Friday night hoping to meet his match, said store employees told him several people had complained." Poor Dale, he'll have to try meeting ladies in places other than where he buys his toilet paper.
http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atp
One more quick one. This guy was arrested for repeatedly trespassing at a church and stealing holy water. I just happen to find that fact that he keeps taking holy water ridiculously funny, others may not. I must do my best to amuse myself here.
http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atp
I'm surprised I don't have any stories from Ohio up here tonight. I love Ohio man, the weirdest shit happens there! What a ridiculous state. Here's some other news:
1. Hockey is back!!!!!!!! But, the Sabres lost Alexei Zhitnik. Damnit.
2. I got a swiss ball.
3. Most of you who will understand this already know, but TJ Mudd is engaged. Sick! What the hell is this world coming to? On top of that, TJ has decided that he will be playing second violin in the string quartet at his own wedding. Do I really need to say anything more about that?
4. TJ Mudd is getting married to a woman! DO I really need to say anything more about that?
5. A few weeks ago Phil's ferret stole my wallet. Seriously! I left it on the coffee table and while I was outside the thing took it and dragged it into his lair behind the couch to add to his collection of junk. I think he stole my library card too. Joke's on him though, that card has a 2 dollar fine on it. Unbelievable
6. Interviews.
August 4 2005, 20:05:03 UTC 6 years ago
August 4 2005, 20:18:27 UTC 6 years ago
August 5 2005, 15:29:18 UTC 6 years ago
Though I no longer have Michael Peca around here. I actually got to touch his skate once while in high school when he was still with the Sabres.
It would have been like bringing the team here to LI for me if Peca, Zhitnik, AND Satan were here. I guess you can only have so much.
At least Hockey is back!! I love it!
August 5 2005, 17:30:25 UTC 6 years ago
August 5 2005, 20:32:13 UTC 6 years ago
So sad, I enjoyed Peca on the Islanders. I totally would have gone to a game or two if all three were playing. I still might, but tickets get to be so expensive. I can't even THINK about getting season tickets - though they might be more reasonable in Buffalo. That would be so awesome if you bought some. You could always do those game packages though, right? Pick 7 or 10 games or something??
Anonymous
August 6 2005, 18:46:37 UTC 6 years ago
SHMUDD
Seriously? Mudd or Shmudd (that's shit+mudd)getting married? The government should put a ban on that marriage. I just dont even know what else to say about that. I thought he liked boys anyways!August 6 2005, 19:13:27 UTC 6 years ago
Re: SHMUDD
SMUDD, I love it Debra. I am going to put my own little spin on it and convert that to schmuck+mudd. I always though he was asexual, like an ameoba.